My Version of the Ten Plagues in 2013


Hello my darlings!! If you’re reading this, I’m currently in Israel getting some nice sun and R and R! I hope you are all having a good long weekend!!!

Like most of you, I’m sick of this matzah business and am challishing for a nice piece of warm chollah. Breakfast has to be one of the hardest things – a girl can’t live on macaroons and cinammon balls alone! But don’t worry, Passover will be over on Tuesday night and we can go back to normal!

I was thinking about the ten plagues – it’s quite hard to relate to things like boils and hail so instead I’ve come up with my ten plagues as if it were happening in 2013!

Ten plagues in the year 2013

1. No Wifi in Public Areas (oh the horror!)



2. It’s raining and you might get wet in between leaving Brent Cross and going into the covered parking lot to fetch your car



3. When you want to record 3 TV shows at once but Sky+ only lets you record 2 at a time



4. Road works (C’mon, let my people go!!)


5. Not being able to get rid of hiccups



6. When you have to pay for parking like this:



7. Low Phone Battery

8. Long queues at Starbucks



9. When it snows in April (oh wait… that’s already happening!)

10. When you’re in Waitrose and the self-checkout says ‘Call for Assistance’



So there you have it! Baruch Hashem may you not fall victim to these plagues!

Chag Sameach to you all.

G-d Bless,

The Jewish Mother

A hearty Mazel Tov to Penny Pollins, Shternie Potash, Jennie Raperport and Gaby Cohen for each winning a gorgeous scented candle thanks to on the Mill Hill Broadway! I will be in touch later this week! 


What’s coming up!

When I get back from Israel, I’ll be writing all about my experience flying with EL AL! Also, I have a HUGE competition on 16th April where I’ll be giving away 2 return flights to Israel, tea sets from Maxwell Williams, Dinner at Novellinos and more!! Don’t miss out!!




  1. Sue

    I’m so with you on the getting rid of hiccups. They really are the bane of my life. Why is it they always start at the MOST inconvenient moment too?

    Love your work ;-)

    1. The Jewish MotherThe Jewish Mother Post author

      Thanks Sue!! Hiccups are a real pain, never quite unstood them!! I heard about a man who was hiccuping for over 40 years!! Poor schmuck..

      Thank you for reading my spiel as always, you’re a star!

      G-d Bless xx

  2. Marley

    Hope you are having a great holiday JM!
    It is freezing here.. Very jealous!
    Loved your spiel.. I missed you this week.

    Love always, Marlez xxxx

    1. The Jewish MotherThe Jewish Mother Post author

      Thanks Marley my love, I’m having a great time in Israel!! The weather is just great and I can’t wait for Pesach to be over so I can tuck into a pita and shwarma!

      G-d Bless x

  3. Marlene

    Hi JM,
    Great Speil.
    One Plague that hit us this year was no water on 1st Seder night Pasech. The Water board were replacing our pipes in our road. My husband reckons that they are anti semitic!!
    Have a great holiday.
    Marlene xx

    1. The Jewish MotherThe Jewish Mother Post author

      LOL! Oh no Marlene! You poor boobalah!!! Maybe they were trying to split the water or something!! Don’t get me started on the council.

      You obviously heard about those schmucks who were selling salt water in glasses at the supermarket. Since you had no water, probably wasn’t such a bad thing!!!

      Always enjoy your comments!

      G-d Bless

      The JM x

    1. The Jewish MotherThe Jewish Mother Post author

      Thank you very much Susan! Almost there!! Warm Chollah has never sounded so good!

      G-d Bless x

  4. Aine O'Neill

    Hi! JM
    great spiel as usual, loved your take on the plagues very funny indeed. Enjoy the rest of your hols you’re in the best place to be for it, I love Israel I’d move there tomorrow if I could afford it, have a safe journey back on the best carrier ie El Al.

    1. The Jewish MotherThe Jewish Mother Post author

      Thank you Aine my darling! Always love reading your comments!

      Israel is great, could probably move her tomorrow!!

      Thank you for reading my spiel :)

      G-d Bless

      The JM xxxx

  5. George and Heather

    Dear JM
    Loved your version of the plaques. Hope you had a wonderful time in Israel & did not get too burnt. Have a safe journey home. Enjoy your challah on Tuesday night. It is delicious with cheese & tomato.xx

  6. Marlene Samuels

    It’s nice to know that where ever we go, we Jewish mothers excel at suffering such plagues. I “enjoy” the same ones here in Chicago but one new one is the plague of having my dishwasher motor fail on any Jewish holiday on which I am hosting dinner with the ganza mishpocha coming and all of them leaving before they can be invited to help clean up the schmutz. Can we expand the 10 plagues to 11 – a modernization of the Passover?


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