Where do I start??? I hate to admit it but it seems to me that the closer you get to Golders Green, the worse the level of driving is. And I’m not imagining this! Driving through the Golders Green High Street, people are cutting each other off left, right and centre, going through red lights and the road rage is enough to literally, drive you mad. It’s also no surprise that if you go to a Speed Awareness Course you’re likely to find a minyan!
My favourites are the big Kosher Combis with the Yiddisha Mama taking the wheel, an army of kids in the back, yelling at another woman she knows walking on the high street, trying to have a full on conversation – whilst in the middle of moving traffic with cars hooting behind her!
Looking out for the public, the local authorities put out this warning map showing the levels of dangerous driving in North-West London.
But surprisingly, this whole map changes dramatically on Saturday where the red circles around Hendon and Golders Green mysteriously disappear. The local authorities are baffled so I’m doing a mitzvah by shedding some light on the situation.
The reason that Jewish driving sometimes resembles that of a 14 year old’s video game is largely, in my opinion, due to us being late most of the time. The term “Jewish Meantime” wasn’t coined at a Shabbos table for no reason! The Tribe are inherently late for things (I blame those long Jewish goodbyes). So we’re in the car rushing like our lives depend on it – picking up the kids at school, hair appointments, nail appointments, doctor’s appointment.
The Jewish Lifestyle – Derech Ha’chaim
The history of the Jews means that we’re used to moving around. The whole psychology is that “Look, I don’t know how long I’m going to be here for but I’m certainly not sitting in this traffic.”
This couldn’t have been better practiced by my Mother who at her ripe old age just used to pull out of driveways without looking. She used to say: “Just say the Shema and pull out!”
The Wandering Jew
This refers to the Jews who lack a sense of direction. They’ve been wandering around North West London for years and are challishing to go home. They are commonly seen doing a U-Turn in the middle of the road. Also known as the “Jew-Turn.”
Moving into the right lane
Look, I’m not a miracle worker (although you should see me do Friday night dinner). But I’m hoping that one day the driving around Hendon and Golders Green will improve. We’ll all stop rushing and there’ll be less Road Rage and more Road Ruach.
G-d Bless you my boobalahs,
The Jewish Mother
I hope everyone had a lovely Shavuot! A Hearty Mazel Tov to Tina Fiber who has won 2 tickets to the Grief Encounter Comedy Evening on Saturday 5th July!!! Mazel Tov my love!!
You can still buy tickets to see the show including Francine Lewis and Lee Nelson:
CLICK HERE to buy tickets!! (Starting at £50)