Happy New Year my darlings!
As you can imagine, I’ve been running around this week like Winona Ryder trying to escape department store security guards and after days of being elbow-deep in soup, chickens, potatoes, kugel, tzimmes and endless cups of tea (and yes, a biscuit or six), I’m left with a miniscule amount of time to write this week’s spiel.
I’ve found a quiet window of opportunity on Wednesday afternoon before my house resembles a drop-in centre for north London’s Jewish community tonight – the table is set, everything’s ready to go into the oven and my honey cake got the official seal approval from my husband and son over the weekend! I wasn’t worried…much!
What did you all get up to this week? How many did you have round your table? My record is 24 – what’s yours?
My normal ‘spiel’ service will be resumed next week but to keep you going, here’s a selection of Rosh Hashanah jokes that I liked and I hope you do too!
Brian wanted to go into shul on Rosh Hashanah to tell his friend Barry something important but without a ticket, the security guards wouldn’t let him in.
‘Please, all I want to do is run in and give Barry a message and then I’ll leave.’
‘Alright you can go in’ said the security guard, ‘but I better not catch you praying!’
A Wet Vet?
Rabbi Cohen was out for a walk by the lake in the park on Rosh Hashanah when he heard cries of distress. He looks out and sees Sarah, an elderly lady and a member of his congregation calling for help.
Her dog was chasing a duck and it fell into the lake, whereby it got tangled up in the reeds and it was stuck and yelping.
Like a movie-star hero, Rabbi Cohen bravely jumped into the cold lake water and emerged dripping, holding the pup and making sure it was OK.
‘Thank you so much Rabbi, you saved my dog’s life but you knew exactly what to do? Are you a vet?’
‘Vet?’ replied Rabbi Cohen, ‘I’m soaking!’
Mrs Silverstein went into a designer dress shop in town to buy something for shul on Rosh Hashanah and noticed a beautiful blue wool dress on one of the mannequins.
‘Excuse me’ she said to one of the stick-thin beauties on parade’ ‘but how much is this dress?’
‘It’s £899.99’ replied the assistant.
‘Oy vey iz mir’ said Mrs Silverstein. ‘I can get the same dress five shops away for £99.99’.
‘But madam, the suit down the road is made of recycled wool and our suit is crafted using 100% pure virgin wool.’
‘So for an extra £800 I should care what the sheep do at night?’
Happy New Year
As the New Year starts, I wish you everything you wish for yourselves, including health, happiness and the love of those around you. When you have those three, you can achieve anything you want to.
Shabbat Shalom and L’Shana Tovah xxx